Strangest thing

For all the advice I've been given or read about breast feeding and introducing bottles, it all warns that one needs to be careful introducing bottles because the baby may prefer it to the nipple and refuse to nurse when bottles are so much easier. Nothing prepared me for the fact that Charlie would take to bottles with ease and have no problems nursing until one day he just decides bottles are the devil and refuse them. Ever. Everrr.

He also nurses to sleep which we're worried about his ability to send himself off to sleep and self soothe. He's thriving and I'm not working soon so it doesn't bother us too much right now. We figure we'll give him time and keep trying with other nipples. It's just unheard of to people I ask haha. That's my boy alright!! Haha mind of his own like his parents!

Things change when there's a baby around

Ever since Charlie came things have changed, obviously, and things continue to change. I've put up with shit from my neighbors for months but I'm rapidly approaching my limit. I cannot take his bullshit anymore and with Charlie being here I do not want his nonsense anymore. I have a son to take care of and I don't need his riff raff hanging out around our courtyard when I'm walking up to my apartment alone with him. I hate living next door to a drug dealer and I have hated it. I've put up with it because I wasn't a mom, now that I am I cannot have anything threatening his well being. This parking spot fight is the last straw for me and I'm ready to fight his guy to the death. If he decides to tangle with me I'll make him regret it. No one messes with my family.

Clever marketing or shameless attack against insecurities?

Choosing to solely breast feed is a stressful one especially since you can't see how much your baby is eating. "Am I producing enough?" is a constant question I found myself asking, especially since Charlie would eat so frequently and the doctor was already eyeballing his weight. Supplementing with formula would have felt like personal failure to me so I was really putting the pressure on myself to make enough and help Charlie gain weight. I researched countless things to help my supply and started pumping to help my supply. It was so frustrating to pump for half an hour and get a measly ounce or two! I was convinced I wasn't making enough but Eric convinced me to stay at it, reminding me we had a lactation consultant to contact for help and support. She told me to keep at it, saying it could take anywhere from a few days to a week to see an increase in supply. She even reminded me that since he was only a week or so old, Charlie wasn't eating much each feeding so there would be no point to my body producing 9 ounces each time I pumped; I would build my supply as he grew because that's how it works.

Now they've got these "milk supply tests" in stores; essentially you pump and dump it into this tube and it'll tell you if you're making enough milk. If I had known about these milk supply tests, I'm sure I would have caved and bought it, tested myself and FAILED, even though there's nothing wrong with my supply!! You can't pump once and have an accurate bead on your supply, and it's unfair of a test to tell you you're not doing well enough. I would have failed the test even though my milk has my three month old already twice his birth weight.

So what does that tell you? These are simply there to capitalize on a very real fear! You'll take the test, most likely fail and then buy formula to supplement your "failing supply" whereas if you had just trusted yourself you'd have been fine. There are fewer women than we think who actually cannot make enough milk to feed their babies; roughly 2% can't no matter what they do. Looking at that statistic instead of being convinced by outside pressure that you're not doing well enough, you should surround yourself with constructive support. Find a Facebook group you can use as a sound board, contact your local chapter of LLL (La Leche League) for workshops and support, find a friend or relative who's breastfed and you can pick their brain. Go into this with all the knowledge you can possibly gather and kick breast feeding ass!

Helpful links:
https://www.facebook.com/mothersagainstmilkscreen
http://www.parenting.com/article/the-breastfeeding-police
http://www.llli.org/
http://kellymom.com

It's all so tiring

Even with naps during the day, I'm exhausted. The one con to cosleeping is that I'm not hitting really deep sleep because I've got to be aware of Charlie's little body next to mine. I'm not dead on my feet but I'm definitely dragging some ass. Luckily he still naps like half the day so I'm not expected to entertain him terribly much.

Changes on changes.

So my job as a nanny is coming to a close and now comes the challenge of finding something I can work around Eric's work schedule or something I can work and bring Charlie with me. I've been working since I was 16; I've never not had a job but its harder finding a position with these parameters. Just when you start to get comfortable, right?

My first major mistake

Ughhh. I made the biggest rookie mistake today and it bothers me so much because usually I would never make this mistake. I ran out of diapers in the diaper bag today. At least I checked for a new diaper before I took off his dirty one! Ughh!!! I have never forgotten diapers for him and now the poor kid is sitting in a dirty one until we can get home. I feel terrible.

Fair weather friends

When you get pregnant, you notice that some people distance themselves. This could be because they're in a different point in their lives or they feel like with a baby you won't be the person they need you to be in the friendship. Once the baby is born, however, some of those people may rethink their previous stance (don't hold your breath). Don't forget though, this is still a time where you're going to lose more friends. These people didn't leave when you were pregnant because in their minds it wasn't set in stone; the arrival makes it real and then they exit. Try not to let it get to you; you've got a little one you're caring for. That being said, the friends who stick by you through both transitions are the keepers-- even more so the people who step up and get involved.